No Reds.. No Greens.. Only Blues!!

What is happening to me now?
I am quite busy at work these days. Not really great work. But then onsite and good work rarely go together. Do they?

Jale Pe Namak: Have loads of documentation work. A process document for everything I do, a technical document as a contribution to knowledge sharing activities, a BoK as a centre of excellence initiative.. And of course, everything here works with deadlines. I’m dead.

More: There are lots of problem at home (here, I mean). Ego clashes, emotional clashes, ‘you-name-it’ clashes. So far I have managed to play just the part of the audience. And I’ll try my best to avoid being a participant. But just to have such a disturbed environment is a torture. I am incapable of solving these issues since I don’t know what the issue is. Also I don’t really know the people who are involved, I don’t know how they think, I don’t know what they feel. But how indifferent can I be to what is going around me. I feel weird.

I want to go back to India. And I am pushing a lot for that. Sometimes I feel that I am going to land into more trouble if I get back there.. Be it in the work front or the personal front.. Nevertheless, I chant the ‘I wanna go back’ mantra all the time. When will that happen? What will happen after that? I don’t know.

In between all this I go for movies, eat-out, visit places, go for project parties, crack jokes, have fun.. But once these hungamas are over. I feel blank. Emotionless.
And I am sure every person around me here feels the same.. All eyes have the same vacant look.. Everybody is tired..

Am I slowly losing myself to this crazy world? Or have I just stepped into the real world?